Thought I'd see if i learnt anything from those film screens... More work needed I think, tomorrow back to fantasy and monsters to balance this, maybe A DRAGON.
I can tell you exactly what the problem is. Approaching an image without a clear enough visual idea of the central components and lighting leads to you working out too much on the canvas. The result in this case is too many things are drawn locally and not painted as they would be represented by the light source. Next time!